raag | madhuvanti { my longings };

Folks! this is my first blog. I made a desicion today (Really?) I dont know actually!! because I could never understand what a decision actually means.... so I decided I will write about desicion making... (It gives me kind of a cheap thrill that I am writing about something which I have absolutely no idea about!!!)

Experts say, Its a great personality trait if you have good decision making skills. I always ask to myself... Whats a good decision making skill? How can you categorize a decision as good or bad or hopeless? Its just a game of probablility... u make a decision, It works for you, It works for those around you, you have made a good decision. If you make a few more of that kind, you are a good decision maker. otherwise u are bad and if it ruins it all, u are hopeless. Hey, the decision dint ruin it... it just got ruined... and thats about it!!

So unfair! Something working or not-working is so much based on chance (atleast I like to blive so!) still people rate u as a good /bad/ hopeless decision maker. Evaluating pros and cons come next. pros? cons? I fail to understand pros and cons... They are just reflections (decipherable reflections) of varying thought streams.. So I get the most upset when somebody asks me "have u evaluated the pros and cons before making this decision?" - I always answer "I dont Know, I am not intending to either!"

Being impulsive helps! Atleast its helping me!! I have tried both the sides of it... evaluating if I want to eat in Nandhini's today... After evaluating the so called pros and cons (I dint understand them then too.... neverthless, my roommate helped me identify(??) a couple) and made a DECISION! Yes! I shall eat in Nandhinis today! I drive to Domlur , reach Nandhinis, and the waiter says... "Sarry Saaar... Kitchen Closed!".. Wtf did i think so much? wtf did I think so much about it? Okay... u mite argue a dinner plan is such a petty issue... but what about other Important decisions?? I still remember the balded old gentleman from HCL tech during my campus interviews who asked me what I wanted to do in the next 5 years... I dint have an answer ... simply coz i dint know!!! I dont know it even now! If I did, I'd be Nostradamus. I wish I could tell him "Why dont you ask me after 5 years...??" Had he asked what do I dream of becoming in the next 5 years, I would have had 1,00,000 answers, coz dreams are beautiful, amAZing, reassuring and motivating!

The question "What do you WANT TO DO" itself pisses me off as it expects me to have a plan. The idea of PLAN is the most faltered idea in the whole of universe. The goverment plans, defence plans... every other entity plans....(WHY????) still the world will just work the way it wants!! If the world works similar to ur plan (CHANCE again!!!) U say ur plan succeeded... to hell man! theres no such thing called plan! things just happen and u think it happend your way or otherwise. Even if you hadnt planned, it would have worked the same way!

Just do things as they occur to you! I love to live a free life, a life that doesnt expect me to think, watch every step I make, evaluate possibilities, plan for prospective risks.... I hate to plan, coz i am convinced that plans NEVER work! Just live the current moment, enjoy it...

Guess thats it for the day, me going home now! and yes I dont have any plans for tonite as I never had any! good nite!